Last night I ended my struggle with a trial that has been ongoing for almost two decades. A trial that was hugely fed on how I reacted to each incident. How I let each thing make me feel. How I allowed emotions and feelings in and what I allowed.

When you try to fight fire with lighter fluid you just get bigger flames. And those flames can spread faster, burning at a more intense heat.

Last night I decided to choose growth instead of allowing these things to hold me back. I walked away from it. This trial started slowly changing me into someone I wasn’t. It was changing me into what other people thought I should be.

Half of this is my fault of course. I let them in. I let their words take little nicks out of me slowly desensitizing me.

I finally realized that my struggles with it wouldn’t change anything. The more I pushed back the more was thrown at me. I realized that it didn’t matter, they didn’t care. The main goal is for me to look bad to others. To create situations where I could look bad.

They gain power from me looking like a horrible person. And the more I push back the more fuel is fed to the flames. The only tool I can use is to ignore it. Don’t let it bother me. Don’t get trapped into the games and just move on.

Sadly it took one last time of them defaming my character that made me finally be done with this. I don’t know why it took so long and so many events for me to get fed up.

Maybe I forgive to easily or justify behavior too quick. I try to see them through God’s eyes. After all we are all children of God and we all make mistakes. I always blame myself more thinking, there are could of been something I could have done differently, or said differently.

But that is just it. No matter what I say, not matter what I do it wouldn’t change a thing. All I can do is stop feeding it. Choose not to let it in. Choose to stop letting it control me and my emotions so that I can move forward. I won’t go back to the person I was before all that. These experiences have changed that, but I would like to say I can change for the better because of them. Even though the journey has been a dark, lonely, negative road and the battle exhausting, this can be changed into something positive now.

Good bye trial that has taken all of my energy, my health, and my progress in life. Sometimes winning is knowing when to walk away from something. I choose growth.

As long as I can remember, I have been so enthusiastic about celebrating our country’s independence. I have been proud of the colonists and leaders of the colonies that stood up for what they believe in and fought for it.

I always loved their ability to think for themselves, educate themselves and understand what was good and what was not. Our independence was a huge feat and it was amazing that it happened.

Now we have this day where families can come together and celebrate our freedoms. We can take a moment and thank our forefathers for what they did for us generations and 243 years later. And the generations that followed that kept our liberties intact.

Our history has had its ups and downs but some of the things happened because of the times. What society was like back then. If we were to look back at all the things our country was able to do, we would all be proud. Why don’t we focus on the good things and move forward and learn from the past, instead of being stuck in it. Why have we become a country where a tennis shoe company pulled a design with our country’s flag on it because it might offend some people. How in the world does a nation’s flag offend people who are living in it. Alright that little rant over.

I did love the tweet that was sent out from the British Army to ours in a loving, fun, joking way. And the tweets back were even funnier. Now that is a great feat in itself when two countries can joke about a revolution fought between them but then come together and fight in world wars alongside each other and be allies to this day. Now that is amazing.

Back to families coming together for these kind of holidays. Not everyone gets the day off to spend it with their families. Some are over seas, still protecting our freedoms, defending our country. Others are in the medical field or police officers, corrections officers and detention officers where there has to be someone manning the job 24/7 and so that means someone doesn’t get to see their families on that day.

I have mad respect for these guys especially since my husband has been that guy for the last 17 years. He started off in the medical field and ended up with the county and works as a DO in the jails. It’s hard work and someone has to do it.

I am going to be real about it. I get lonely sometimes on these holidays. I don’t have family in the same state as me and it’s usually just me and my two teens. They don’t want their mom hanging with them and talking to them, they would rather be with their friends or doing something on their own.

When asked where my husband is I say at work. If I mention sometimes it’s hard, I am met with “oh well at least he has a job,” or “at least your husband is alive,” and my favorite, “but he gets holiday pay.”

Well yes I know others have worse than me. I know some people would love jobs or love the extra pay. But it still is hard to be this lonely on a holiday. The money doesn’t come close to replacing time spent and memories made. This is not by all means whining or complaining. Just a statement of fact.

So while you are happily barbecuing with your family and sitting and talking and making memories, remember the guys working hard for us. Remember the people, men and women sacrificing their time, families and energy to make our country a little better and a little safer. I hope you thank them on this wonderful day we call Independence Day!

So to be ironic I decided to make my favorite British dessert for the 4th. After all, we did gain our independence from Britain. We were once a part of them.

I supposed I should have baked an apple pie or something of the sort, but let’s face it. It is too hot in Arizona for pie right now! I wanted something nice and cold. So Trifle it is.

When I thought about what ingredients I would need, I forgot that I don’t have a trifle dish. So I used the next best thing I have: a Pyrex class mixing bowl. It isn’t the correct shape or size, but it had to do. It isn’t the prettiest Trifle I have made but it will taste good and that is all that matters.

I made my own whipped cream and it is so good!! I am not writing about this to show off or toot my own horn. I just get joy out of creating things, especially with cooking/baking.

Life can be like noodle dough being introduced to humidity. The recipe can be mixed perfectly. No steps out of order or out or line. The dough could have been kneaded properly and rolled out nice and thin.

This dough has every potential to becoming delicious, well made noodles. Then something happens. A split decision that changes the out come of the dough. The choice to turn on the dishwasher in a not so well ventilated kitchen. Creating a humid atmosphere where the noodles are being prepared.

Was the decision a bad one? No the dishes needed to be cleaned. Was it good timing absolutely not. The dishwasher was supposed to be ran the night before but it wasn’t. It was forgotten, therefore it had to be done in the morning causing a chain reactions of decisions.

See we can do all the right things, in all the right order and stuff can still happen. Just like what happened to the noodle dough.

The dough became sticky no matter how much flour was introduced to counteract the moisture. The noodles even though rolled out nicely and correctly stuck together and were hard to work with it. It took extra time and care just to get them to the boiling pot of water.

Life happens just like this. A decision made by someone else can affect the outcome of what happens in our lives. Things happen out of our control. Or maybe we do it to ourselves subconsciously or just not making the BEST choices for ourselves.

The noodles may not have looked as perfect as they set out to be. They didn’t look as beautiful or amazing but what they were and what they turned out to be was delicious. They were good. Just like the noodles, we are not perfect. But we are good and useful and can do so much. Even if we choose things not as amazing for ourselves or if someone affects us. We still have potential! And the dough wasn’t given up on. It was still worked with and cooked and came out just fine. Life doesn’t always happen the way we want it or prepared for but it will turn out just fine, especially if we keep at it and not give up!

When your husband regularly works 16 hour shifts, a lot of maintenance is left to you. Which I don’t mind because I love fixing things. Repairing things or installing things is like my therapy!

This situation called for a new toilet seat. Of course while we were picking out the new one the kids eyes were automatically drawn to the expensive, fancy, plush seats. Much to their dismay I grabbed the generic, white wooden seat for only a few dollars. I really don’t want to encourage anymore time during their stay in the bathroom.

After I sit for a bit to cool off from melting in the heat of the summer, I finally pulled out the seat to install it. It was different from all the other ones I have replaced before, but I got it in. I even did most of the installing while my husband was on the phone with me in between shifts.

So this toilet seat is white. Just plain, painted white wood to match the rest of the toilet. It looks pretty much the same color. I asked the 16 year old what he thought of it and he goes, ” Do you think anyone else is going to complain that the seat isn’t the same exact white as the toilet?” 🤦🏼‍♀️ Apparently this kid can see levels of color beyond the rest of us can lol.

The most important thing is there is a new, functional seat on their toilet. It looks nice, clean and sleek and I enjoyed putting it on!

There were so many times I started a blog but never published it. My reasons varied from I didn’t want to be that vulnerable, worried what other people thought and worried about having enough content.

I have finally come to the conclusion that I think I have enough content for a blog. And as for what others think? The old me would be worried about it. Old me would be very careful about how I worded things or what others thought about what I had to say. However, I have been through so much growth. I think with this growth, it is time for me to finally publish this blog.

You see, I have been inspired to write this blog. So many times the thought popped into my head saying write about your life and your journey through it. Each time that I did have this thought, I would ignore it or make some excuse to put it off. So here I am not putting it off anymore and hoping my life is interesting enough.

Thanks for joining us in our crazy journey in life. There is never a dull moment around here. We hope that we can share our interesting, fun life with you and let you see a piece of our world.

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton